When Tamara (Ms. T as her students affectionately call her) shared her intimate struggle of infertility, she tore off the stigma! Her honesty exposed readers to the anguish, distress, and sadness that 7.5 million* women face. As promised, she is back this week to raise awareness. While she admittedly does not speak for all women, her nearly 6-year journey has certainly given her some expertise on the subject.
As I sat with her, she expressed that one of the greatest challenges has been communication. Often in casual settings, the subject of babies inevitably comes up. Sometimes, it’s brief, and at other times, painfully invasive. Of course it’s natural to ask about family, but how far is too far? It’s important to note that not all responses are borne out of malice or with the intent to cause harm. Sometimes, we just don’t know what to say or how to comfort one another. When do we cross the line from making conversation to critically prying? The answer may vary for many women, but Tamara offers us her tips.
MS. T’S BIGGEST NO-NO’S
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When the answer is “No, we don’t have kids” or “Not yet” that part of the conversation ends. Don’t ask why.
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Don’t offer advice or suggestions unless requested.
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Don’t ask “Whose fault is it?”
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Don’t say “Just adopt”.
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Don’t say “Maybe it’s not meant to be”.
These phrases seem so commonplace when talking about our lives, but for some, they can be uncomfortable and intrusive. You may be wondering now “When is it ok to ask about family or discuss the infertility?” The answer is easy: When you are invited. A good rule of thumb is to follow the cues and leading of the person you are speaking with. If she chooses to share the intimate details of infertility, she will. If she says ” I’d rather not talk about it” respect her response, and don’t take it personally.
We don’t have to be trained professionals or experts on the subject to interact with someone dealing with infertility. We simply need to be caring and compassionate individuals. Some of us may know the issue on a personal level, while others have never given it a second thought. Regardless, there are women all around us daily that are suffering with this terrible disease. Be a safe haven. Awareness is survival.
Strengthen. Heal. Empower.
*Number of women aged 15-44 with impaired fecundity (impaired ability to get pregnant or carry a baby to term): 7.5 million (Source: Center for Disease Control)
