I try not to write about politics because I want this to be a place of respect. I try to hear people out, but I have to speak on this today!
Sexual Assault. It’s not a political issue. It’s a personal matter that has been made political. Sexual assault is a tough subject that most people would like to avoid, but I can’t. I no longer have the luxury. I can’t speak blindly when other women are facing their truths. I don’t have to pick sides, my attacker did that for me. I was molested as a little girl. I don’t know why I can’t remember the age it started. Maybe it just became so regular that the days blurred together. I rarely share the explicit details, for me, it’s bad enough that it happened at all. I didn’t tell anyone until I was almost grown. I don’t talk about it everyday. I don’t wear a t-shirt to prove my membership. But I can tell you this, it never goes away.
Today people are debating whether a convicted famous tv dad should go to prison. CNN is covering a supreme court judge nominee and his “boyish” acts. Meanwhile, there is a group of women being bashed because they chose to speak up. A group of women being ridiculed because they waited so long to tell someone what happened to them. A group of women whose characters are being attacked in an effort to shame them for their own assaults.
Anytime we are more concerned with blaming the victim than blaming the perpetrator, we commit a fresh assault. Instead of trying to silence victims, we should be trying to understand what they’ve been through. Pain. Violation. Nightmares. Depression. Guilt. Plunging self-esteem. We should realize that an innocent touch can traumatize a woman who has been assaulted. Now she has to weigh every man’s intentions, his touch, and his words. She no longer has the freedom of letting herself go. She must be on her toes at all times. She must relearn affection, love, and relationship. She must be taught trust again. She may even be still looking for her childhood.
If you’ve never been in this position, think before you speak. Give the women around you a place to be safe again. A place that doesn’t judge them for what they’ve been through. Show them that they matter. And if you think there is nothing you can do to help, just listen. Let them get it out so their healing can begin. No matter how long it takes. Remember, it wasn’t their fault. No clothes, alcohol, or attitude gives a man permission to take what he wants from a woman. Don’t lock her up!
Thanks to God, my pain has not taken over my life. He has shown me how to transition from victim to warrior. Warrior doesn’t mean that I fight you. I fight against the thoughts of manipulation that my attacker used against me. I fight against the stigma that the world places on me. I fight against my daughter having to suppress her femininity to avoid sexual objectification by a man. I fight against oppression, suppression, and depression. I fight against my own silence. I fight for change, hope, and victory.
