****TRIGGER WARNING**** This blog is about loss and grief.
Many people have a favorite holiday. When it gets close to that month, they start planning how they will celebrate. It doesn’t have to be anything big. It might be a Kiss Me, I’m Irish t-shirt for St. Patrick’s Day or a special dessert for Cinco De Mayo.
I’m a huge fan of my birthday. I start plotting and planning months in advance. In fact, I am not ashamed to say that not only do I plot, I actually start the celebration around then as well. Sometimes I decide to do a little activity every week leading up to the big day. I have been known to shower myself with gifts as well. What can I say? I’m a fan.
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with Mother’s Day, even before saying goodbye. While I extremely enjoy celebrating with my children, I can experience quite a bit of angst at the same time. Sadly, I have a quite a few friends whose mothers have passed away. To say we are all struggling, is a huge understatement. Even as I attempt to type this, I can feel the heaviness sitting in my chest.
Do you ever wonder how to help your friends or loved ones through these painful times? I want to share a few tips that I have found helpful during my grief. Not everyone will need or ask you to refrain from the same things, but I am only offering some things from my experiences.
- Don’t use “comfort phrases” such as: “In a better place” “It was her time”
- Don’t tell me how I should feel. If I’m laughing, don’t take it as disrespect. Let me enjoy a light moment when I find one.
- Don’t disappear unless I ask for space. This one can be tricky, I know. For me, disappearing can make me feel like I’m invisible.
- Don’t give me an “acceptable” timeframe to grieve. All of my time is acceptable.
- Please be kind. Please be kind. Please be kind.
- Be present. This can be emotionally or physically present. Even if I don’t want to engage, it feels comforting to know someone is staying close.
- Let me grieve. Sometimes, I can’t be cheered up. I just have to feel.
- Don’t play down your happiness. Dimming your light, won’t turn mine back on. Be thrilled to love on your mother and talk about that special bond. It fills my heart with joy to know a little girl or boy has a mommy to touch.
There’s so many varied reactions to all of the things I’ve listed. If you are facing a difficult holiday because of the loss of a loved one, let me say that I see you and the struggle. What are some ways that you cope? What have your friends and family done to get you through the tough days? Drop them in the comments.
I personally think the best way to help someone cope is to listen. You don’t have to be a mind reader. Ask what they need, and listen. It feels good just know someone cares about your heart.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV
STRENGTHEN. HEAL. EMPOWER.
