I’ve probably heard “at the end of the day” four times since last Sunday.  While enjoying a great worship service in Virginia, it was part of the message.  Of course it wasn’t the first time I’ve ever heard it, but that day at 10:39 a.m. I had to write it down.  It struck a chord within me and I have been strumming it ever since.

As I sat in the pews, I was told matter of factly that at the end of the day, we must love. Naturally, that whole love your enemy stuff came up.  To be honest, it made me chuckle a bit, because I could feel my eyes starting to roll before he even got the point across.  Yes, I knew it wasn’t a suggestion, so I kept listening.  That’s a whole other post.

If you know me, then you already know I had some challenges growing up.  My birth mother made some choices that damaged me. With that being said, we exchanged some strong words as we each tried to plead our case to be understood and accepted.  She felt her choices were in my best interest, and I disagreed.  Thankfully, God helped us to repair our relationship and really love each other.

I used to feel so guilty for being angry; and even worse for wanting more from her. I felt bad for thinking about myself.  I should have been grateful for whatever I got.  I carried that kind of thinking into my adult life.  When my own children were born, I quickly realized how those experiences and feelings colored my parenting.  Fortunately in that area, it proved beneficial.  It helped define the kind of parent that I wanted to be, and the amount of time I wanted to pour into my children.

In other ways, my hidden emotions, caused me to think less of myself.  Outwardly, I laughed freely, but when I was alone, I felt ALONE.  Friends everywhere but my own mother couldn’t love me.  And the woman who raised me seemed to regret taking me in.  When I began to openly acknowledge the damage I suffered, I saw how desperately I needed to heal. I needed to allow myself to feel. I consciously decided to face and constructively express my anger and feelings of abandonment. It didn’t happen all at once, and it wasn’t always easy.  It’s sad to say, but I had to convince myself that I mattered in the scheme of things.  My birth mother had her own bag of issues that shaped her, and my mother who raised me had her own unfair circumstances.  Nevertheless, their feelings did not overshadow nor cancel mine. I mattered!

Recently I’ve witnessed some friends hurting.  Hurting over difficult romantic relationships. Hurting over broken relationships with their children.  And hurting because their past pains are proving to still be very present.  We talked about how important it is to use forgiveness, love, and patience with those who have hurt us.  I agree completely, however I must add one thing.

No matter what you’re going through in your life, at the end of the day, YOU MATTER.  Of course, you have to hold your loved ones close, and fight fiercely for them, but you matter too! You cannot leave your heart out of the equation.  Swallowing your pain for the sake of others is admirable, but it can also be self- destructive.  If we don’t face our torment, we will breed within us low self esteem, poor coping habits, and unnecessary resentment.

I’m not advocating tantrums, tirades, or narcissism. I’m just saying that healing requires balance.  Your list of things to take care of is probably pretty long, but are you on it? It’s not too late.

Here’s 5 things you can do today:

1. Be honest with your feelings. It’s okay to FEEL.

2. Take some time alone for yourself.  Use it to breathe, cry, scream, write, or think.

3. Say it out loud! It’s not always necessary to engage in verbal exchanges, but it is necessary to be open with yourself.  In this case, talking to yourself isn’t crazy; it’s therapy.

4. Take inventory of the good in YOU. And then CELEBRATE YOURSELF! Don’t wait on others to validate you.  It’s your job to know your worth first.

5. Seek to learn and utilize effective communication skills.  With love and compassion, communication is healthy.

We can’t control everything we encounter, and that’s okay.  God is in control! As you go about your daily activities, caring for others, working for your family, and serving in your community, remember:  At the end of the day, YOU MATTER!

For we have not an high priests which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.  Hebrews 4:15

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14

Strengthen. Heal.  Empower.